far far away sounds good to me

I'm not going to apologize for what I've done and for who I've become. Being able to be me is what makes me comfortable, what makes me happy.. yet you all want to take that away. You want me to change just because I don't fit in your jigsaw puzzle, because I don't fuckn satisfy your expectations. Why do you even bother keeping me around for? Fuck.

Unimaginable Pain

Do you have full on manipulative parents? Parents who don't give a fuck about what really makes you happy? They think that whatever they do is considered as 'doing the right thing'. And even if they know you don't like it or that it upsets you, they automatically think that you'll get over it.

My mother killed apart of me last night, a part that won't come back to me until a very long time; my photo wall. God knows what my mother has against my wall. Those who have seen it may think it's just a random display of photos taken within the pass few years. To me, my wall is a part of my life. It holds both negative and positive memories, memories which replay in my head as soon as it is seen.. almost like a library? My own personal library. The only thing that was worth coming back to this place everyday was this wall. It doesn't matter if I may had a fight with a family member which resulted to screaming and tears or a shitty day at school, I always knew that my wall would always, 100% guaranteed be there for me.

I had to destroy a part of me in order to make my mother happy. This morning I woke up, turned to my wall and felt useless as warm tears rolled down my face.

Oh Really? .. FUCK UP!

EUGH! Why are you trying to be a fuckn smartarse? I don't give a fuck if you're making so much money now and that you're blowing off hundreds on branded sunglasses and handbags. Don't be assuming shit when you don't even know what's going on. Take a step back, breath and think. Think of all the shit that you've done and the words that you're barking out at me. Fuck! Don't think you're a fuckn exception, don't act like you know everything. Get The Fuck Out!

Yeah, I'm annoyed. Annoyed at.. /drum roll.. my sister. She's a douche! I'm in the rumpus room and she storms into my room and goes through my desk for a calculator. I tell her that i don't have one that works, she manages to find one and then yells out.. 'Does this woooooork!?' FOR FUCK SAKES WOMAN! YOU STORM INTO MY ROOM AND GO THROUGH MY SHIT, YOU'RE BLOODY 30 YRS OLD, CAN'T YOU TURN IT ON AND FIND OUT YOURSELF! I try my best not to be rude, 'I dont know, you're the one whose in my room, you tell me!' Yeah, bitch storms out complaining that I have anger problems. Would you say I overreacted? =="

Other than my bad mood, HAPPY 17TH ELLIE! Loverrr you :)

Seeyou later fuckers, xx

life's a bitch. now fuck you, pay me!

oooooohhh, can't tell me nothing now, baby I know how to fly
oooooohhh, can't nothing hold me down, I'm gonna touch the sky!

What a weekend. I didn't do much, but it was different :) It has allowed me to think more my life. Life's too short to be patient.

Friday, we got out of school early so we decided to go see a movie. We got ready at Devi's house then drove to the cinema in town. We watched Alice in Wonderland in 3D, IT WAS FUCKN AMAZING! I meant the 3D effect :) It did give me a headache after ==" The movie itself, was alright I guess, it was cute? But I expected it to be a tad better. It's worth seeing though (Y) After the movie, we grabbed a bite to eat at Fellinis then headed to Rundle Street for a little shopping. It was fair good to spend time with the girls, we never get the chance to because we, well they all work. LOL I'm jobless, license-less and bo-to the-gan :D After, got home and did the dishes, then headed up to town again for a few drinks and games of pool at Empire Pool Lounge. I went with my sister in law, her sister, her German cousin, her friends and my uncle. Yeah, family /rolls eyes LOL Narh, they're fair cool :D It was a good friday.



Saturday, went to grabbed breakfast/lunch in town with the mister. Yum cha at Ding Hao (Y) It's been a while since I've had yum cha. Those who haven't had it, GET YO ASS TO CHINKYTOWN NOOOOW! (Yeah Xenia, holidays :D) For the rest of the day, it was just constant walking around, talking, sight seeking. It was good :D At night was meant to go sky show, but all the older kids went pub crawling so mehs, ceeeebs.

Sunday, spend the day with the mister again, but with his family :D Then in the arvo, went to a relatives and bonded with the older cousins. Talked to this one guy, he got me really thinking about my life and actions, all self help stuff. "One thing I want you to remove from your vocabulary. The word failure." I don't need help, I just need some guidance (Y)

Overall, it was a fair good weekend :D I woke up feeling uber happy today, felt on top of the world. I wanna be able to feel like this every morning, every day. hrms

HOLIDAYS ARE NEAR ;D xx

you're the fckn best, the best I ever had

When our world temporarily comes crashing down, we try our hardest to seek comfort. Don't you just hate it when no one understands you yet you're speaking perfectly good english? Do you get an adrenaline rush, and as you yell louder and louder, you move closer and closer to the objective? Yeah and doesn't it piss you off when people think they know you, when people think they know what's running through you head, your every thoughts and intentions?

I felt so angry last night, I just screamed and screamed as tears gushed like waterfalls from my eyes. I felt neglected and wanted to leave immediately, so I did. I spent the night in his arms, I found my comfort.

Athletics Carnival tomorrow, I'M FUCKN PUMPED! xx

just shoot me

did i ever tell you that i absolutely hate my birthday? why? because every year that i become older, i get treated more like a prisoner. everyone makes mistakes, yet when i make them.. its like i murdered someone, the blood is still on my hands? everyone turns their back on me and refuses to trust me ever again..

i came home late today, 20 mins later than usual time. i blame the new bus route time table, the bus took forever to come. got into the house and my sister in law questions why i was late, i tell her the bus. as i walk up the stairs, she rants on about how i'm always lying? IM LYING? she rants on about how i'm always lying and thinking that shes stupid. i never lied to her. it takes fuckn years to get home, we've been through this before.

i've been down with a really sore throat and have been coughing a lot, i wouldnt call it a cold though. either way, thats been killing me. i get home, coughing liek a mad bitch, i then get accused of doing somethign that i didnt do, and get this.. /drum roll. I GET KICKED OUT OF THE HOUSE (Y) oh man, hands down it sucks to be me. so atm, i'm to finish yr eleven and then to move out.

i know my life may not be the worse at the moment, as there are other kids out there suffering from all different types of problems. but out of all the people that i know, my life would have to win the gold medal for beiing the biggest lump of shit. what pisses me off if that i get no say in anything, i have no time to explain nor does anyone bother to listen..

life is unfair ayes? i honestly can not put up with any of this. whenever i mention to anyone that i live away from my parents, with my siblings. they get hell jump and their faces fill with envy. complimenting on how lucky i am to be away from my parents and to be living in such a 'high class' area. its not, not when youre sister in law's a raging bitch with a aborignal spear up her fat ass.

oh my fuckn god. if i didnt have a soar throat and my voice was perfectly normal, i would stand at my balcony and yell at my fuckn drungo neighbor.. HE'S GOING OFF WITH HIS DRUMSET AGAIN! YOU CNT BLOODY PLAY YOU MORON =='

fuckn devo.

this shit is bananas

one look in your eyes
i knew we two would always be together
.. and there are three little words that say it all
i love you.

Burn The Sun by burcindrummer; Deviantart

i went to a funeral yesterday. mom thought it'd be a positive thing to let me experience a tragedy like this. i have been through a lot, but it guess it doesnt end up being as bad as a life being lost. the woman that passed away was 80 years old. her husband sat in a wheel chair, left hand holding onto his oldest son's hand whiles right hand whipping every tear that fell from his sore eyes. may you rest in peace..

"Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today." - James Dean 

i havent been feeling the greatest these days. but then again, when do i ever feel 'great'? i find it soo hard to cope with such problems and to make matters worse, i cnt find the right person to talk to. however once i do, they dont really have the time to stay and play. /sighs i guess i should really drop the whole, 'try to find someone to talk to about my issues' thing. everyone's busy in their own little world, and me pouring out stories abt my life isnt gonna make their life any easier. the last thing i'd want to do is to make anyone's life a living hell, not unless they've made my life unbearable.

Alone by lorelix04; Deviantart

got my swine flu vacination today, i enjoyed everybit of it :) i actually love injections! lol the indian bastard didnt give me a fuckn bandaid.. and when i asked for one he ignored me. zzz heaps good aye (Y)

party like a rockstar, xoxo

just set them up to knock them down

i think I should know how to make love to something innocent without leaving my fingerprints out
now, l-o-v-e's just another word i never learned to pronounce
3OH!3 ft. Katy Perry - StarStrukk

sorry for the absence douche-and-goob-readers :) ive been.. in la la land and havent been able to glue my head back onto my neck just right. haha yeah i didnt understand any of that either :P one-quater of my holidays have just passed and i've done nothing, cept for picking tomatoes and running around with my beloved dog, Bubbie :D

we went for a run on tuesday arvo and we got chased by the neighbour's German Sheperd ==' later on, on the run we found a lizard and a snake D: freshly ran over by passing vehicles ;D ;D thank goodness. i love reptiles.. but if theyre stray and theyre in the wild. NO EFFIN WAY WILL I KNOW WHAT TO DO! ==' LOL 

btw, i had a dream abt Bubbie the other day. in my dream, Bubbie gave birth to 4.. HUSKIESS! they were cute and fluffy like little bunny rabbits. odd thing is that.. BUBBIE'S A BOY! LOLOL horrible

last week i donated blood to the Australian Red Cross. it went pretty swell for me considering i was a first timer. the lady stuck the needle into my left arm but couldnt fidn the vein so she tried the right arm. BAMS! blood shot into the needle, through the tube and into the bag. 500ml OF PURE VEE-BLOOD IN 7MINS AND 11 SECS BABY! MUAHAHAH. other donors had to sit there for 10-15 mins. one of the nurses dropped one of the donor's blood and it spilled on the floor ==' and another donor fainted after donating. i reckon it's fair easy and more people should get involved :) it feels awesome to know that your 500mls can make a huge difference towards someone elses life (Y)

holidays are kind of depressing. theres nothing to do and no where to go and no money to spend! LOL went shopping on tuesday and two girls got busted for stealing. goshhh.. the things that people do. it was VALLEYGIRL for peep's sake, oh wells. whatever floats their boat :D have been watching Tranformers 2 nearly EVERY SINGLE DAY due to my nephew and Coraline nearly EVERY SECOND DAY due to my neice :) /shakes

party like a rockstar, xoxo

ps: my brother just did the most disgusting thing ever; he was sitting topless on the chair, raised his arm, picked at his armpit hairs and .. wait for it.. SNIFFED HIS FINGERS! D: D: 

you are my sunshine, after the rain

"make poverty history."

today my brother intro'd his muslim friend to the family. his friend (which i forgot his name cuz it was soo whack!) was ranting on abt how he hasnt ate anything because he's been fasting due to Ramadan. i explained it back to my family, explaining how Ramadan works..

vee: muslims starve during the day and once the suns down, they can eat. something like that..
dad: soo.. HE'S A VAMPIRE?! D:

mmms, dont have school tomorrow :) thast fair good. i think im going to cut my hair tomorrow morning and make a phone call. my mood's fair mellow and i need a tan ~ sizzle sizzle. i havnt been feeling like my usual self lately, i wanna go back to the way i was but these days, it just seems like thats too energy consuming! arghs, WHATS THE MATTER WITH ME?

just watched Dance Flick, it's not that great of a movie, but if you get your hands on it, do watch it. its one of them.. 'watch it, you wont regret it' movies! LOL fair lame though.  

i've just been offered my brother's room upstairs, which is the guest room of the house. its a very hard decision though, cuz if i pass on this golden ticket.. it goes to my sister in laws sister.. which is kind of a waste of a room =\ list of pro's and con's of my bedroom atm and the guest room.

MY BEDROOM
PRO: good view from my window, sunrise (Y)
PRO: gets a lot of sunlight
PRO: has wooden shutters/blinds
PRO: my pet spider lives outside my window! LOL
PRO: build in wardrobe (which i really like cuz i can see everything)
PRO: is located in the back corner of the house so not much noise can be heard
PRO: in line with the stairs so easy acess ;D
PRO: doesnt take very long for the heater to heat up the entire room
CON: kind of small; approx 3.5x4.5m?
CON: people walk pass my room to get to the bathroom (annoying when the door is open) 
CON: has limited wall space for photos

THE GUEST ROOM
PRO: its the guest room man! LOL
PRO: fair big; 5x5ms
PRO: walk in wardrobe (which is kind of a CON for me cuz i wont be able to see my stuff)
PRO: at the front of the house, therefore.. MASSIVE WINDOW! 
PRO: has bigger wall space
PRO: easier acess to the bathroom
PRO: next to the balcony
CON: more colder, due to being next tot he bathroom, having a big window and being next to the balcony! LOL
CON: ewww curtains =='
CON: directly above the master bedroom (oldest brother and sister in law), therefore.. EVERYTHING can be heard D: everything that goes on downstairs.. ==' (this should be 3 CONs) /cringe 
CON: privacy is limited as there are two doors (the main one and one which leads to the bathroom) 
CON: takes a while for the heater to heat up the entire room as the area is big
CON: not a nice view from the window

DECISION DECISON DECISION! EUGH.

party like a rockstar, xoxo

it's like that and that's the way it is.. HUH!

first of all, HAPPY MOTHERFUCKN BIRTHDAY TO MY BELOVED BROTHER ;D he went to pick me up from tutoring early today and my tutor gave him 50$ bucks for his birthday. lucky mofo! 

well it's all planned out. ROYAL ADELAIDE SHOW ON SATURDAY BITCHES! LOL going to stock up on energy drinks and try to enjoy the last 3 hrs of the show ;D im starting to feel the show mood! hopefully it comes back to me next yr.. this yr the feeling lagged D: nts: eat breakfast and lunch! last yr i got soo excited that i forgot to eat. i got owned after like.. 3 rides =\ IT WAS HORRIBLE! 

btw, hope ya'll had an awesome fathers day. i got my father drunk (Y) sent him home and mom called me 2 hrs later raging on about how my father's an annoying drunk! LOL ;D ;D he's a funny bloke when he gets drunk. i wont retell the stories, its one of them 'you had to be there moments' ;D

i usually hate mondays. but today was actually aye okay :) only two more days of school left for this week fuckerrsss! probs best week of the term. has anyone else noticed that .. THIS WEEK IS ALREADY WEEK 8!? ZOMG. the years coming to an end and i have not done anythign productive.. wasted like.. 3 months emo and probs still going. oh wells, i'm fair happy. finally have nooooooooo hwk :)

DO YOU FEEL LIKE A MAN, WHEN YOU PUSH HER AROUND? DO YOU FEEL BETTER NOW? SHW FALLS TO THE GROUND! - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus 

party like a rockstar, xoxo

motherchucker

so i spent the day at my mom's place. shes struck by the flu and i was there to rub in her face that i never get sick ;D ;D LOL this is what my mom did to me today:

• she asked me if i watched.. PORN! 

• she admitted that she hated my ex because he had stupid hair

• she tried to lie about the CONDOMS that i found in her drawer D: 

vee: MOM WHAT IS THIS! /points
mom: oo.. i.. um got them in a magazine!
vee: HOW COME I DONT GET ANY IN MY MAGAZINES!
mom: O____O ILL SUE THEM IF THEY GIVE IT OUT IN YOUR MAGAZINES!

• she killed a bug.. ON MY FACE! /slap

• she told me about the arranged marriage that she had set up for me with a family friend. (yeah she does this a lot. apparently im promised to another 1873872648175 people ==")

eugh. anyhoo, just did some oldschool google chroming and found backstage pictures of the Miu Miu Fall/Winter 2009 Collection. the photos look cool. i wanna work backstage of a fashion show one day (Y) hrms. beee killahh, maybe i can design Optimus Prime inspired suits! HOW MOTHERFOCKEN SICK IS THAT! RAHRAHRAH ;D 

oh btw. i tried but it wont come out. i tried to take photos of my purple hair but it wont come out. i'll try tomorrow in natural light ;D

party like a rockstar, xoxo

it's now or never

i dye my hair purple yesterday :) i got sick of my blonde so decided to DIY dye my hair. im pretty happy with the outcome :D i shall post pictures someday. my camera cord is somewheres and my laptop is dead =\

well i actually want to go to The Royal Adelaide Show now. but on the last day ~ i want the Transformers; Optimus Prime showbag ;D ;D i am upset that they dont have an Ice Age showbag. /shrugs the problem is that i need find someone to go with me.. besides mom. mom wants to spend more 'quality time together'. last time we did that, she tried to hook me up with this wog guy who buys her tomatoes /shakes

well the weekend is here. once again, i have nothing planned. Father's Day on sunday :) what did you guys get your daddies? my brothers and i are probably gonna take daddy out for dinner. he rather eats steak that open gifts! LOL im craving yumcha, AB and curry! ;D ;D ;D   

party like a rockstar, xoxo

hang my heart on the clothes line

first of all, GG TO THE ONES WHO GET HAYFEVER IN SPRING! LOL winter finally ended and the sun's out ;D the Royal Adelaide Show is starting this friday. and for the first time in many years, i dont think im gonna go this year. why? its sad, but i honestly do not have anyone to go with. oh, i feel lonely! (and Thuong, dw. i know you love me  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥ i love you long time) but i dont feel so bummed about it. for some reason this year, i wasnt as excited for it as i was last year :( 

well my nephew did the most horrible thing to me today. when i got home from my moms, i went straight upstairs to have a shower. my nephew was trying to call me down for dinner, but i couldnt hear him.. so he went upstairs. he looked for me and now, at the age of 2.. he can reach and turn door handles. so i was in the nude, in the shower cubical.. and my toddler nephew opens the door wide open and screams.. VEE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? D: 

been in a grumpy mood, havent exactly found the right person to talk to. pms ==' everything feels awkward and uneasy. i do wish everything went back to the way it was last year.. when there was less drama, more laughter and love all around. 

you know you love me, xoxo

it's one thing to say, another thing to do

i was looking forward to a fresh start to August. there's nothing special abt the 8th month of corse, it's just.. i got sick of July? LOL well gyeahs i thought it started off good. the 'ex - boyfriend' and i got back together. we were on a long period break and we TRIED to patch it up.

i thought everything was going well, i thought my world was be built once again.. until 6 hrs later, when everything came crashing down. i was actually looking forward to this, giving what we had another go, "we'll try to make it work". that line made me believe so, gave me hope. i got told that "we should just be friends". HANDS DOWN, THAT LINE FUCKN HURTS! it really hurts.. today was suppose to be our '16 months' (Y)

was going through a folder of photos of him and i, came across this.

made it in mid December 2008

i ended up making a phonecall to one of my closest friends and balling my eyes out. probs the first time i've done that to anyone, and i do hope i never have to >:( love hurts, it's a tad overrated. saying 'i love you' to someone and actually loving someone are two different things.

other than that, i took my little cousins to town today. took them to Morning Glory for sticker photos and down rundle street for some food and gelati :D and then we did a bit of shopping at Diva :) yeah, i felt the need to buy headbands /shrugs im glad i could spend a day with them, they get on my nerves but they're good kids. yeah we found this stall which was selling these awesome potatoe things.. THEY HAD CHEESE ON THEM! THEY WERE KILLAHHH! ;D

yeah, stfu D: my scanner died >:(

after coming home from town, the family decided to go out for dinner at some whackoo chinese restaurant. i dont eat pork or duck, so i just sat around flipping through chinese magazines whiles drinking tea! shouldve flicked my pinkie up (Y) LOL well anyhoo, when we were getting into the car:

vee: aunty, did you fart? it smells funky.. =="

aunty: .. no? .. BUT I NEED TO FART NOW

/lifts up bum and presses it against vee's leg
vee: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ..
/FARTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
aunty: dw, my farts never smell
vee: ==" (Y)

mehs, maths studies test tomorrow, i've been too devo to study =\ mehs. shall find a way to past :D

you know you love me, xoxo